I’ve been having a few feelings this morning which are really nice and I thought I’d share them. One is a feeling of intensely-fulfilling gratitude for all the crazy, intense, and painful experiences I’ve had recently and what I’ve learned from them – the broken-hearted moments, the failed professional moments, and the health issues. Even when they make me feel weak, I realize they actually make me a stronger, more alive person.
Another is a feeling of incredible love for my friends and family who have supported me and held my hand through all the really difficult times and lifted me higher. Sometimes I wish I could be better at showing my appreciation in conventional ways but I just have to have faith that they understand. The people who asked about me when I was feeling down, and then checked in on me again the next day, and the week after that, and who smiled and nodded and didn’t judge me when I cancelled because I needed my alone time. Thank you for that. And there’s that difficult life lesson where you learn that sometimes you need to betray others to be true to yourself. That to help others, you need to first help yourself.
There’s also a sense of wonder at this idea of just enjoying each and every single damn moment of the day and what that really means. The little chuckles at seeing a puppy poop on the sidewalk, or two strangers nodding at each other as they pass on the street, or the sweat coming off my brow and the pain of my muscles as I run or cycle in intense summer heat. The wind blowing in my face as I cruise down the highway or the view of the Milky Way in a dark night sky. The taste of a deliciously cold beer and the pages of a good book as I sit alone in a bar. :)
There’s this feeling that I am getting better at mastering how to acknowledge what’s going on inside me and not being afraid to share that with people around me, to be vulnerable, taking the risk that they might think I’m strange, and sometimes, but not always, being rewarded with a deeper sense of connection, of friendship, of love. You know, we live in an age where technology seems to bring us closer but has the perverse effect of creating virtual walls. True intimacy and human connection can be frightening sometimes.
All of this has just reaffirmed that, more than anything, living passionately really works. To be constantly facing my fears, living my dreams, helping others, and trying to be a kinder, wiser, more passionate person. This is the best trip I’ve ever been on! Carpe diem… have a great day.