Tag Archives: friendship

Ingredients for a powerful friendship

Adam in Geneva
Adam Grantzidis (on the right) and I in Geneva – September 2016 – we worked together at the TD Bank in Montreal in their credit card customer service department.

This is my friend Adam Grantzidis – we worked together some years ago and lost touch until we reconnected in Geneva today. Although we only had a couple of hours, there was so much to talk about in a short amount of time.

Although Adam and I have shared vastly different life experiences, there was a strong connection between us as we shared some of the challenges each of us has faced over the years and the lessons we learned from those. There was this distinct feeling of being with a trusted old friend with whom I could share or ask anything. It even felt like I had just seen him yesterday. It made me wonder : How is such a powerful connection possible after so long? Well, I’ll try to answer that question with some reflections on ingredients for a powerful connection and friendship. 😉

Genuine mutual interest
First, Adam and I both had a genuine interest in reconnecting and hearing about all that has happened over the last 15 years. I noticed that he had a sincere curiosity to hear about my news and a great ability to listen. He asked real questions that arrived at the heart of the emotions I was feeling. In turn, I was excited to hear about what he had been up to. This mutual interest helped recall that connection and friendship from so many years ago.

Honesty and authenticity
A second important ingredient is that Adam and I had “give and take” in our conversation. Not only was he willing to share some of the hardships and challenges he has experienced, but he asked me about mine too. Asking questions necessarily means you must also be willing to answer them, and be authentic and open about how you feel. This is what creates a bond of intimacy and a strong human connection. Of course it’s wonderful to share successes and all the good and great things you are proud about.

Being honest in your relationships means avoid hiding how you really feel and being willing to share the experiences that have hurt you, your failures, the memories that cause pain, the thoughts that cause worry and anxiety, the events that left scars on your soul. These are the experiences you might hesitate to tell because you don’t want to burden the conversation. In order to create real intimacy you have to take the risk and face the possibility that someone may reject you or may not react the way you want to hear. When you are willing to face the possibility of disappointment is when you are at your most vulnerable. So when someone asks you that question – ask yourself – are you willing to answer? To really answer from the heart?

Shared values
A third element that comes to mind is the idea of a kindred spirit. Some may call it that “soul connection”. This doesn’t always need to happen but when it does it is awesome. Kindred spirits have shared principles and outlooks on life – a system of values that guides how they operate and make decisions. From my side, this means a willingness to try new things, be open to new ideas and experiences, to take risks, look out and care for others, relate to people on an intimate level, and see the world through a kaleidoscopic perspective.

During our short reunion, Adam and I not only shared all that we had been up to, but exchanged knowing looks and laughs about some of the memorable experiences we have been through. Having a common worldview or philosophy with someone creates an immediate and awesome connection and helps establish a foundation of trust (because you just “get” each other). Of course, establishing trust is possible without this kindred mindset – it may just require a bit more work and emphasis in showing interest and being honest and authentic (refer back to points #1 and #2 above).😉

Investment of time and effort
A final thought – over the years, the unstable and transient nature of my life led me to forget the basic and simple truth that friendship and relationships require time and effort to grow stronger. And this has come at a great personal cost to me. You can have all of the above but you need to invest effort and commitment over time. For many years it was convenient to ignore this in favour of a desire to see the world and be “independent”. And while I value solitude greatly, I wish I had deeper personal connections.

So, 14 years later my path crosses again with this old soul, and little has changed – still the warm and tender smile, a genuine curiosity and compassion for others, and a desire for adventure that burns strong. The years go by but it is like time never passed.

Thanks Adam, for reminding me of the power and potential of a true and strong human connection, and some of the important ingredients for building a powerful friendship.

Talk to you soon buddy.

Do you have any reflections to share on what’s made your friendships stronger? Please comment below. :)  Click here to read more reflections on Live Passionately.